I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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