Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
