How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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