So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
