Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
