I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
