five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
