direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will be naked everywhere
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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