my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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