so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
