I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
