I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
