She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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