my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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