Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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