You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
