My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
