I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
