WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
