he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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