Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
