remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We're too hungover to prance.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
