i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
