she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
