I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
