ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
