omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
