Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
