pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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