im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
