He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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