i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
