Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
