we have pet lesbian snakes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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