why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
