HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
