ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top