We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??