do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
