Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0

Replies (1639) Good night (172083) Bad night (43512)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome

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(508): So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again. (1-508): Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years? (508): Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome http://tfl.nu/sfo6

Replies (18) Good night (2600) Bad night (822)
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(305): View more from Florida

My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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(305): My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit. http://tfl.nu/7g7j

Replies (32) Good night (4104) Bad night (1024)
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(415): View more from California

I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.

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(415): I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea. http://tfl.nu/t4nr

Replies (32) Good night (1123) Bad night (4258)
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(819): View more from Quebec

FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.

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(819): FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/3wga

Replies (37) Good night (1077) Bad night (5394)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

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(262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69

Replies (17) Good night (9204) Bad night (1397)
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(206): View more from Washington

In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone

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(206): In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone http://tfl.nu/jkow

Replies (5) Good night (1963) Bad night (1531)
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(714): View more from California

For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.

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(714): For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out. http://tfl.nu/58i4

Replies (3) Good night (2718) Bad night (1003)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.

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(860): Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/pxbo

Replies (4) Good night (1769) Bad night (606)
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(734): View more from Michigan

The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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(734): The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake. http://tfl.nu/3nh1

Replies (2) Good night (1232) Bad night (823)
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(718): View more from New York

Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.

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(718): Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/imva

Replies (5) Good night (1875) Bad night (695)
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(805): View more from California

I want "hickeys on my ass" sex

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(805): I want "hickeys on my ass" sex http://tfl.nu/gaw7

Replies (11) Good night (1917) Bad night (656)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.

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(701): You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool. http://tfl.nu/2eh0

Replies (7) Good night (579) Bad night (1751)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.

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(256): I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down. http://tfl.nu/18pc

Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (378)
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(415): View more from California

His crazy is a thing to be cherished

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(415): His crazy is a thing to be cherished http://tfl.nu/i8hb

Replies (0) Good night (267) Bad night (165)

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