I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.