I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
