I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
