We won't sleep together?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks