Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

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  (586): sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey. http://tfl.nu/7b75
  Replies (15) Good night (3694) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.

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  (434): Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now. http://tfl.nu/1bza
  Replies (10) Good night (1137) Bad night (2587)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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  (901): He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/xizg
  Replies (12) Good night (835) Bad night (6393)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

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  (703): I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk. http://tfl.nu/xfwn
  Replies (8) Good night (785) Bad night (5599)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.

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  (320): You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time. http://tfl.nu/fdjv
  Replies (7) Good night (1429) Bad night (3370)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.

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  (919): Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7. http://tfl.nu/xclk
  Replies (7) Good night (3364) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better

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  (+64): She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better http://tfl.nu/clth
  Replies (8) Good night (3526) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions

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  (813): I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions http://tfl.nu/060m
  Replies (6) Good night (2490) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp

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  (703): it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp http://tfl.nu/dn3p
  Replies (1) Good night (741) Bad night (1751)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.

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  (919): When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs. http://tfl.nu/7b1r
  Replies (6) Good night (1701) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.

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  (615): I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving. http://tfl.nu/50sh
  Replies (6) Good night (337) Bad night (220)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects

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  (641): The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects http://tfl.nu/vfz8
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (184)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??

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  (607): He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman?? http://tfl.nu/pi0m
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (179)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.

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  (336): I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady. http://tfl.nu/dgog
  Replies (6) Good night (197) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again

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  (479): And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again http://tfl.nu/1sbj
  Replies (4) Good night (185) Bad night (73)

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