He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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