Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
