Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize