Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
