she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
