I have demons in me.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
