Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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