So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
