guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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