Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
