They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
