He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
