did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
