can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
