i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
