So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
