how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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