and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
