That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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