life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize