sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
