I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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