Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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