Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
as a side note pls kill me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
