i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
