That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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