So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
