he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
