ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
