Plan B is the new Plan A
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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